Knowing I was going to run this interview through December, the most magical time of year, I wanted a guest who was equally magical. And not in a David Blaine kind of way. I recalled a lady I had met briefly months ago. She chucked a metal disc at my head and when I looked over to her booth, she whispered ‘The Dragons. They need you.’ I rubbed my sore forehead and read what wound up being a button. It said ‘FIGHT SPECISM.’

This was who I had to interview. Someone who understood the world is a much bigger place than just our hectic little lives. Through the power of Google, I tracked down this mysterious Jackie Gamber and asked her if she’d discuss her cause and her successful writing career. She finally agreed so we met at a place of her choosing, at the extravagant offices of Meadowhawk Press in Memphis, Tennessee.

I knew she was shy but I had every confidence that my sense of humor would win her over.

Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me today.

Hello! It's my pleasure to take this opportunity to meet with you and your readers.

You’re a dragon expert and a huge advocate of their rights. You’re an accomplished writer with a new novel out, a businessperson and a fan of Columbo. There’s not much room for anything else except for maybe Jell-O!

(Silence)

Because there’s always room for Jell-O…

(More silence)

Yes, I agree. So let’s start with a few easy questions just to get the ball rolling. Which is more accurate; Dragonheart, Reign of Fire or Puff the Magic Dragon?

I asked several of my dragon consultants their opinion of this subject, and they were unable to come to a conclusion. The resulting argument made it clear, however, that most dragons prefer the movies of Mel Brooks.

 Could Matthew McConaughey really kill a dragon or was that all Hollywood hype?

While I had my dragon consultants gathered, I also asked them this question. They simply laughed.

Hmm. Your answers are phrased in such a way to lead one to believe that we are not actually doing this interview face to face but rather I send these questions over the internet in advance and then just cut and paste the interview together.

(Yet more silence)

Godzilla…dragon, dinosaur or iguana mutation? I mean he is big, scaly and breathes fire?

Dragons don't have an opinion of Godzilla, considering he is a completely mythical creature, fabricated only from the creative mind of humans. They do prefer the original movies, however, with dubbing.

And once and for all, clear up this confusion. What is the difference between a Dragon and a Drag Queen?

Surprisingly, this confusion is not unusual. A dragon (dra-gun) is a reptile-like vertebrate known to inhabit virtually any of earth's eco-systems. A drag queen (drag kween) is, on the other hand, a mammal-like vertebrate known to inhabit virtually any of earth's female wardrobe-systems.

Your cause is to fight Specism. Could you define that for readers?

Specism is the belief that species accounts for differences in character or ability and that a particular species is superior to others. Further, it is direct discrimination or prejudice based on species. We at HADS believe education and awareness can stem the tide of this prevalence.

And HADS is your foundation?

Yes. HADS (Humans Against Dragon Stereotypes) was founded to spread dragon awareness worldwide. Our website, www.hads.us, provides information, news articles, and personal testimony to combat the specism perpetrated against dragons. We also sell merchandise through Cafe Press, with 100% of proceeds being donated to World Wildlife Fund - to ensure protection of earth's dragon and animal life.

That’s very noble. Every keychain and coffee cup counts. Exactly how many dragons still exist in the world today?

World-wide, there are about 254 recognized species of dragons at the present time. This number was believed to exceed 1000 less than five thousand years ago. The exact number of current survivors is unknown, however, due to the introverted nature of dragons. Dragons also have an uncanny talent for camouflage; they have been known to hide "in plain sight" of researchers without detection. This habit frustrates scientists, both because collecting population data is nearly impossible, and because researchers' health plans usually fail to cover the care of broken noses caused by having their shoelaces mysteriously tied together.

Almost every culture on Earth since pre-history has well- documented stories and art dedicated to dragons. Which culture’s view do you prefer?

Personally, I prefer the documented stories and art that are based on real-life encounters. I believe this gives a fairer and more accurate portrayal of dragons as a species. Too often, dragons are represented by traits that have the most entertainment value: razing villages, hoarding treasure, or other similar specism-supporting negative press.

Are you implying dragons don't attack villages, hoard treasure, eat virgins and other such destructive acts?

Certainly there are those rare few dragon temperaments that lend themselves to acts of violence against humans - just as some humans are known to act violently against each other. But to classify all dragons as dangerous and greedy is to commit a destructive act as well; to feed prejudice.

What are some of the nicer things dragons do for humans or even the world in general?

Specifically addressing the issue of maiden sacrifice, many villages (mostly European) continue to offer maidens to local dragons as a sort of trade for protection. As dragons haven't the facilities or the means by which to provide for these forsaken women, this has led several tribes to band into a coalition against maiden abandonment. They also work to rehabilitate and relocate them.

Have you personally ever seen a dragon?

In fact, one of my first introductions to a dragon was while I researching my fantasy novel, REDHEART. It was at this time I became aware of the plight of dragons, and their unfortunate portrayal through media.

But truthfully, wasn’t your initial reaction to fear the legendary beast? When you first saw one, didn’t you think you were in danger of being eaten?

Well, to be honest...I was as awe-struck as one might expect. The sheer size of the dragon I met was incomparable to anything I'd shaken hands with before! And, naturally, I introduced my children immediately. I was accused at the time of making sure to clear up any misunderstandings of my virginal status, but in my defense, I was merely being polite.

You mentioned your novel, REDHEART. While you say it's fantasy and I'm sure fiction, how much fact did you try to present to readers? For instance, do you make sure to show dragons in a positive light while slandering say goblins or black knights or serfs?

In fact, I did take great pains in writing my book, which is indeed fiction, to portray dragons as most true-to-life as possible; with strengths and weaknesses, feelings and ideas. The human condition applies as much to dragons as it does to us! I haven't done any research on goblins, however. Many people believe them to be a lost cause.

Where can fans of damn good fantasy find your novel?

REDHEART is now available through Meadowhawk Press at www.meadowhawkpress.com, your local Barnes and Noble, or Amazon.com 

Well, we have to wrap this interview up soon. But I am so intrigued by this topic. And I must say a bit jealous of your connection to these regal beasts. I mean I can’t keep a goldfish alive for more than a week and my best friend is TouchMyWii666 on MySpace. He won’t tell me his real name…

(Silence)

But back on track, how cool are dragons? I mean if you were good enough friends with one, would they reenact chapters from The Hobbit with you?

I'd say that's likely, depending on the dragon. I've known of those who secretly visit fan conventions, hoping for a chance to get in on some tabletop gaming, or to hear their favorite authors read from original work, or to try LARP (Live-action Role Play). These are the dragons, however, that others of their kind don't necessarily classify as cool. I believe the term they would use is "geek".

Yeah, I mean how weird are those guys? Like I was telling TouchMyWii the other day online, if I ever saw one of those guys in the mall I would like just diss them and say ‘Talk to the Hand, Be-atch!’

(Incredibly uncomfortable silence)

Is that my cell-phone? Okay. So thanks again for spending time with Choate and educating us on a problem that has been going on for far too long. Again, where can people go to get involved?

www.HADS.com. It has dragon information and even safety tips for when you inevitably come across a dragon in its natural habitat. Questions are asked and answered, and most of all, awareness is spread. So log on and check it out. Dragon awareness is contagious! 

Do you have any closing thoughts you'd like to share before we end this interview?

Just a reminder that we share a small world and everyone deserves their place on it. Working together, we can change things!

(Absolute silence)
See? How does that feel? Not real good huh? Jackie…Where ya going? I was just kidding…You were my ride home! Jackie?